if you want to know why i very rarely reference actual canon star wars food when i write fics with food in them just know that one of the canon foods is d’il pyykkles
How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________
And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.oh my god these are great
fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes
floweypot is the only AU I accept as canon,
There’s a child….
….He smiles warmly up at you.
The world was new. He just was. He took it all in. Everything so bright and clear. Exciting! Overwhelming. There were sights and smells he had no names for. They, too, just were. The floor was cold, but he didn’t know it. Hard, too. Uncomfortable, but he didn’t know the meaning of the word. It contrasted with the warm fuzziness inside his chest, it was just exciting. Things towered above him, but he wasn’t afraid.
His eyes shifted to the side, and he saw something new. Yet somehow… familiar. He crawled over, on all fours, to a fallen figure on the ground near him. Glass littered the floor, with some sort of substance forming puddles, but he was unbothered by either. He had eyes only for this figure, who was different from everything else. They were moving- sort of- their chest rising and falling. He watched, enthralled, and, by instinct alone, moved a limb forward to rest over the area.
He could see that he almost looked like this figure. They were the same, yet somehow different. He knew himself to be smaller, though he had no word for it. There was a warmness similar to his own inside this figure’s chest. He looked at the face, where eyes were closed. Could they see like he can see? He moved his hand over to it.
Pat pat pat.
No change. He tried again, more insistently.
Pat pat pat!
Finally… the lids opened to reveal dark depths where only two forms of light peered out. They seemed dazed at first, before focusing on him. Somehow, being noticed strengthened the fuzziness inside. Of its own accord, his mouth stretched further from a grin that was already there, but that, too, had no meaning for him yet.
“bah!”
suggest: sleebby but also attac, prepare for wen birde is com. sit in warm from sun an also stilish jacket for maximum conforte. cate donot need furrs to be still beauté.
According to the laws of physics, a planet in the shape of a doughnut (toroid) could exist Physicists say that such a planet would have very short nights and days, and arid outer equator, twilight polar regions, moons in strange orbits and regions with different gravity and seasons.
[You’ve received a stocking! There are cookies inside and a glass ball.
Happy Holidays!]
W. D. GASTER 